urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode another_episode another_episode 2009-12-03T06:49:22Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:60109 2009-12-03T06:49:22Z 2009-12-03T06:49:22Z im screwed with school.<br />i need so many credits because i got registered for classes that i didnt need first semester.<br />this is going to blow making them up.<br />well shit. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:59682 2009-10-09T04:44:39Z 2009-10-09T04:44:39Z i am in pain<br />and there is no one to help me.<br />all i can do is cry. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:59496 2009-09-18T05:03:14Z 2009-09-18T05:03:14Z dear world,<br />i am going to hell urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:59306 2009-08-29T06:26:50Z 2009-08-29T06:26:50Z the last week of my life was busy/horrible<br />working while being in school is tough<br />taking more classes that require a lot of work was a bad idea<br />i know i can handle it all<br />but i am exhausted.<br />having absolutely no time to do anything for myself is really getting to me<br />between 7:20 when i wake up and 6:00 when i get home i have no time<br />i have 40 minutes to myself until i get home<br />and that is spent walking across campus to classes<br />eating lunch<br />and driving 25 minutes to work.<br />then when i get home i have hours and hours of reading and homework<br />i knew it would be really difficult to have time to myself<br />but i wish i had started preparing myself more during the summer.<br />god i hate waking up early.<br /><br />i think it would honestly be A LOT easier if i werent working with kids<br />you never get to just relax with kids around<br />you always have to be on guard because you honestly never know what will happen.<br />its more stressful than most people even realize.<br />but they gave me a key to the school.<br />its nice to be considered important.<br /><br />i think the worst thing about this week<br />was that i wasnt completely in sync with mikel<br />we have this thing where we just know whats up<br />we know how the other is feeling without really having to keep bothering the other person.<br />but this week weve barely even gotten to speak in general<br />yeah we can text and all that shit<br />but its different actually being next to someone other rather than not being in the same room.<br />its probably seems lame that i need mikel so much<br />but im starting to realize that in a relationship you have to need the other person<br />because if you dont whats the point of the relationship?<br />holding hands and cuddling are nice<br />but when it comes down to the point i love mikel because he needs me and i need him.<br />it is us against the world.<br />when work kicks me down mikel picks me up and calls them bitches.<br />and i do the same for him.<br />i am never alone in this.<br />i sometimes wonder if anyone knows how serious we actually are.<br />hm?<br /><br />mikel also points out how non-grown up i am haha.<br />its nice to have someone say the typical "shut up youre a kid enjoy it" thing<br />and i am honestly trying to take 2 steps back<br />i like knowing whats going to happen and how im going to get there<br />and then taking the steps to make it reality<br />but i also dont want to miss the part where i learn something from it.<br /><br />but out of this whole week i am happy to be back<br />i missed learning<br />i missed working<br />i missed figuring things out<br />i missed writing<br />i missed buying pens<br />i missed having a schedule<br />i missed everything.<br /><br />it is good to be productive again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:59039 2009-08-11T14:46:18Z 2009-08-11T14:46:18Z i think the toughest thing about being in a relationship<br />is that all the decision you make are judged by someone who isnt even in the couple.<br />its one of those things where you wish getting both sides of the story mattered.<br />but im trying to learn that all that matters is that we make decisions that benefit us as a couple<br />and not worry about judgment, but of course its tough.<br /><br />i really love my life.<br />i mean i have my down times but who doesnt?<br />i dont really see anyone other than mikel or the people at work<br />but i mean i dont really have time to.<br />im sad all of my friends are leaving to go back to college<br />but honestly its like theyve been gone for a month already<br />because ive had no time at all to spend with them.<br />which i feel bad about but i needed some responsibility at some point in my life.<br />its just sad it had to be during the summertime when my friends were home.<br />and i always see mikel because hes always there and keeps time open for me for when i have time.<br />he really is my boyfriend and best friend.<br />it would gross people out how close we are.<br /><br />in other news i get my new phone at some point today or tommorow<br />and i am so excited. like seriously. you know how much i love cell phones. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:58628 2009-07-25T07:19:51Z 2009-07-25T07:19:51Z sometimes i feel like im either far behind everyone else<br />or im either too far ahead<br />im never just constant with anyone.<br /><br />i never thought i'd learn to drive and be successful<br />i never thought i would actually do so well in college<br />i never thought i would be in such a serious relationship<br />i never thought i would meet the parents of a boyfriend and love them<br />i never thought i would get a job and really enjoy it<br /><br />im conquering all of these big milestones<br />and im doing it alone<br /><br />next week i get my mouth checked out so i get my wisdom teeth removed<br />then i have an appointment to get invisalign braces<br />my mom insists that i cannot have crooked teeth for the rest of my life<br />but i think it gives me character<br /><br />im using my planner<br />im staying organized<br />im laughing and smiling more than i ever have<br />but im also crying<br />and im worrying that im missing out<br />then i remind myself that what im missing out on isnt stuff i like<br />ive never missed out on something i truly enjoyed<br />because i always do what i really want to do, not what everyone else wants to<br />then i feel beter<br />and i laugh and smile and love my life again<br />im not scared to be left behind anymore or leave anything behind<br /><br />"Arthur Abbott: Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.<br /><br />Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake!"<br /><br />yeah i just quoted that from the holiday but seriously i feel like im at that point. where i am leading my life and i am the main character. its sad to realize it shouldve always been like that. im not living my life listening to everyone elses stories of love and adventures anymore. i actually have my own.<br /><br />in other news mikel's mom called me "mommy" of lucky and mikel "daddy" of lucky and it really freaked me out, because well do i need to explain this? i didnt like it at all. i mean i love mikel with my entire heart, but im not there. im not a mother to anything. im not ready to start a family. im not ready to settle down. i love being in a serious relationship, but that is way too serious for me. thankfully i talked to mikel and he completely agreed. we have years for that, but for now we will go kayaking! well he wants to go kayaking, but seriously? me? outdoors? what? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:58557 2009-07-15T23:57:18Z 2009-07-15T23:57:18Z its weird how open i am with the girls i work with<br />i just tell them everything and we talk about absolutely everything<br />they have really become some of my best friends.<br />i think its because they were people who knew nothing about me<br />i was never that little asian kid who everyone thought was oblivious to the world<br />i wasnt a child to them.<br />its nice sitting with jasmine and telling her personal things that i cant tell anyone else<br />because i know she wont be weirded out by it.<br />its nice talking about these things i always kept to myself.<br />my future is so different than my past.<br />i like my life and i like how its headed.<br />i never have to be in a group to have friends.<br />i never have to go far to be loved.<br />i never have to appease anyone.<br />i never have to act obnoxious to be liked.<br />i never have to defend myself or ask if anything is okay.<br />i never have to worry about how other people are going to react.<br />in this life ive created i am myself and everything is good.<br />i am the leader of my life and i dont have to follow anyone.<br />and i like that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:58297 2009-07-07T00:53:12Z 2009-07-07T00:53:12Z i just registered for classes and im excited to go back<br />im ready for life to go back to usual<br />i like having a schedule and i like doing stuff the entire day by myself<br />its been one day into my break from work and im going to go insane<br />i mean i know work is only 3 hours usually and i complain<br />but its even worse just sitting around doing nothing<br />or doing shit that is just overall stupid.<br />i dont see how i used to sit around and do nothing all day.<br />i do not miss being that lazy at all<br />im ready for a constant week to sleep in my bed<br />and im ready for school supplies<br />im ready for weekend trips with mikel and lucky<br />and im ready for my future<br />ive made my own life here and i want to get back to it<br />summer is dragging along and its time for something new urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:57971 2009-06-18T08:42:35Z 2009-06-18T08:42:35Z i guess i dont really talk about my life that much.<br />but lately its just worth talking about.<br />everything seems to be going correctly.<br />first i got a job.<br />now this seems like a very simple thing, but for me this was huge.<br />it was a step in the grown up direction and i got a lot of respect from everyone for being able to handle it. im not stupid, i know everyone doubted my abilities and strength to commit to something so permanent. honestly, its one of the hardest things ive ever done and probably one of the most eye opening. i know i want to be a teacher one day and this just makes it even more clear. <br />and before the job i got mikel.<br />this was surprising. i mean mikel is great, but seriously? who saw that shit coming? thats right! no one. but honestly i love this person. if someone were to fit me correctly, it would be that boy. we can lay next to each other for hours talking about what kind of shampoo i should get or what game he beat that day. i never get bored. we do fight...a lot, but at the end of the day we realize that the anger we feel fighting is nothing compared to how we actually feel for each other, so we just get over it. ive never felt so fascinated by a person or so entirely close to someone especially some boy as i do to mikel. we have a future and it doesnt freak me out. to me its so far fetched that we'll end up together, because that is so far away for me, but to him its not so insane and that makes me feel good. its nice to know someone wants to end up with me. its comforting.<br />its also comforting to know that i have awesome friends. i hang out with kyle, amber, and pat almost daily. were a family. and i know its not going to last that long because once summer ends and we all separate and its going to be tough to be so close, but its nice while its happening. its nice to have my friends home. its nice to see taylor randomly around the neighborhood or joya at ambers. its nice to know how real our friendships are. how no matter how far away they go they will always be there, how we can go an entire school year barely talking and then sit in house coffee for hours catching each other up. i figured out a long time ago how fake people are and how they waste so much of their time trying to impress each other. you shouldnt have to impress your friends. i got over trying to avoid doing certain things so i wouldnt be called out for trying to be "cool" and "trendy". so what? i wear v-necks and let kyle teach me how to longboard. i cant help my boobs look awesome in that particular t-shirt or that i like going down hills. half of my shirts are from a 5-pack of hanes and i totally eat shit everytime i longboard. at the end of the day i have a great looking chest and a lot of good stories. what will you have? if you sit around waiting for a chance to be original then youre going to miss out. there are millions of people in this world and you will never be the ONE person to do anything. making myself happy is more important to me than trying to be the only original person in south carolina. it seems like it would be pretty lonely.<br />i dont know where my life is going to go, and i honestly am not really that worried about it. i work hard at everything i do in my life now and it just seems to be working really well. when i look back i may have had more friends and less scabs, but they were all fake friends and mosquito bites. my life isnt one big question mark anymore, its more of a ... kind of feel. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:57664 2009-02-19T03:23:32Z 2009-02-19T03:23:32Z im going to start writing letters.<br />and i know i said i was going to awhile back<br />and honestly i wrote many but then i lost them or addressed them wrong<br />and then put them down and forgot they existed<br />but this time<br />im writing letters<br />and then im going to send them<br />keep an eye out for them urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:57450 2009-02-03T05:40:11Z 2009-02-03T05:40:11Z so much stuff is happening<br />and my brain just doesnt know how to handle it<br />i wish i knew who to talk to<br />or how to write this all down<br />because its getting to be too much to accept urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:57300 2008-12-20T04:31:28Z 2008-12-20T04:31:28Z its plus more<br />way more urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:57086 2008-12-13T06:35:01Z 2008-12-13T06:35:01Z 1) what am i doing? i seriously am wrapped up in this and i shouldnt be. this is new. im taking this step by step. its funny how im not used to something this normal.<br />2) i laugh at your attempt to be "mello" and "whatever" about everything. you dont know how not to be fake. pity. <br />3) i dont know what to do with myself over christmas break. i dont know how to not be doing something. i might end up going insane.<br />4) i hate when people know things about me and i dont really know them. it creeps me out.<br />5) i am weak sometimes and im not afraid to admit that. at the end of the week i pick myself up and move on. sometimes with people's help and sometimes not. i get up, and that is what matters.<br />6) unlike me, you do not know how to be weak. you can talk to me. i will pick you up.<br />7) i love my life. i wake up and push myself to do something new everyday. <br />8) i need to appreciate people more. things would be so different.<br />9) im addicted to pomegranates. if you see a large pomegranate walking down the street, its probably me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:56559 2008-11-29T05:49:52Z 2008-11-29T05:49:52Z basbhat<br />holla urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:55680 2008-11-09T04:27:36Z 2008-11-09T04:27:36Z i feel relieved<br />im more alive than ive ever been<br />i have more important things in my life now<br />that are much larger than anything ive ever known. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:55353 2008-11-07T01:03:22Z 2008-11-07T01:03:22Z i want more urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:55090 2008-10-16T06:04:34Z 2008-10-16T06:04:34Z i want to do a happy dance all over school.<br />im doing so well and all 20 something essays can kiss my butt.<br />its nice to have a plan, and then go through with it.<br />nothing can get in my way, my mood is above all.<br />i love kicking every college student cliche in the balls.<br />im over this and everything<br />my life has changed so much<br />and none of you know anything about it<br />but oddly enough that feels great<br />ive done this by myself and i need a new start to get away from the old.<br />nothing will be the same<br />and i refuse to settle for anything less than amazing<br />ive seen everything this state has to offer, and i want nothing to do with it.<br />this is me taking a stand in my life.<br /><br /><br />that was a big jumbly<br />but its late and i dont care<br /><br /><br />i love my life right now you guys<br />its amazing to have new faces and new ways of looking at life<br />maybe one day ill talk about it<br />but its perfect how it is now<br />and i dont want to change it urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:54794 2008-09-22T02:35:53Z 2008-09-22T02:35:53Z today was probably one of the best days of my life.<br />and i hate my professor with the wompty eye. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:54658 2008-09-15T06:13:15Z 2008-09-15T06:13:15Z - lately i feel like i know who i am more than ever<br />i know where i stand and i know i dont rely on anyone anymore for assurance <br />caring about peoples' lives is my past<br />because my life is now and i cant live focusing on others<br />competing and comparing lives is for people<br />who are trying to make their lives seem better than they are<br />and im tired of people trying to sum up mine.<br /><br /><br />- to me college is more than trying to have fun<br />i know what i want now<br />and i dont need any years to figure it out<br />i want to do my best because i want to be the best i can<br />*cue violins*<br /><br /><br />- i feel like im actually doing something with my life<br />i like knowing that by the end of this year i wont be the same<br />i wont know the same people and i wont have the same friends<br />but me and my life will be improved<br />i will not wait for a cue <br />its me alone, and im okay with that because its my life<br />i dont share it with anyone else<br /><br /><br /><br />in other news i am in love with scrubs<br />zach braff is my hero urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:54289 2008-09-08T02:55:12Z 2008-09-08T02:55:12Z am i supposed to be impressed? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:54011 2008-08-29T04:02:58Z 2008-08-29T04:03:21Z seriously<br />the internet is probably the creepiest thing ever...<br /><br />so me, stacey, and chad are sitting in house coffee enjoying lunch<br />when this absolutely amazing guy sits at our table and just starts having a conversation with us<br />hes an awesomely hilarious human being, and i was in tears when he left<br />so i get home today and there is a "you have a new friend request" on myspace<br />and guess who it is?!<br />i am only a little creeped out.<br /><br /><br />you guys this week has been amazing<br />i love my professors, all my fellow classmates, and all the people i have met.<br />these people have really surprised me in that they are all so different and interesting.<br />i love how when you sit with them they just start conversations and its like insta-friends.<br /><br /><br />its also really nice to have stacey, chad, and ashley here.<br />they have always been my best friends...minus chad hes sort of new...but they really are amazing.<br />seriously i forgot how it feels to just sit and have lunch and really just talk about the world.<br /><br /><br />and jenny has officially offered me her apartment key<br />so if i dont want to go home i can just stay with her<br />and me and ashley are in apartment finding mode.<br /><br /><br />this summer i wont be living at home<br />and it will be awesome.<br /><br /><br />valencia this weekend<br />im pretty stoked. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:53318 2008-08-27T04:08:29Z 2008-08-27T04:08:29Z 1) my math prof looks EXACTLY like jason scwartzman. i am in love.<br /><br />2) my english prof looks EXACTLY like a female professor moody from hp. creepy eye and all.<br /><br />3) i have seen a total of 5 dutch fork..ians and none of them are in my classes. thank god.<br /><br />4) seriously i have met so many new people its sort of shocking. <br /><br />5) i have 3 gangster potential husbands in math. i may marry them, gangster-ness and all.<br /><br />6) i had a nice chat with the man from best buy. we picked out my computer. <br /><br />7) i am not crazy. best buy man is also hated by mac books. <br /><br />8) my hate for the interstate has only grown. i almost got run over by an 18 wheeler. apparently i do not exist on the interstate.<br /><br />9) so many cute boys. not that it matters or anything. but hey good scenery.<br /><br />10) my parents dont acknowledge anything i do wrong. its heaven.<br /><br /><br />i love love love my life.<br />possible valencia this weekend at sometime<br />who knows? i might make some new plans urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:53091 2008-08-21T05:49:29Z 2008-08-21T05:49:29Z seriously its about time<br />next week will be amazing urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:52825 2008-07-30T07:26:17Z 2008-07-30T07:26:17Z <lj-embed id="6" /><br /><br /><br />seriously<br />i am so excited urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:another_episode:52557 2008-07-26T05:34:20Z 2008-07-26T05:34:20Z when it comes down to it<br />i dont understand people<br />or how they tick<br />i dont understand why people try so hard<br />or why they want to seem so cold hearted<br />i dont understand how you can "hate"/not like someone<br />and then be absolutely nice and have this totally counterfeited interest in them<br /><br /><br /><br />in other news<br />i really want a chow chow dog<br />seriously they are teddy bears in dog form<br />so cute gosh darnit.